Ass slapping, strippers, brrrrrrumskies, glam rock cocks and skrumpf... my weekend in Calgary

This past weekend, April, Jenn and I went to Calgary with Mark, Jeanine and Gianni to meet up with Tina and Tash. It was also a good excuse to celebrate me and April's 6 month anniversary and Jenn's birthday. The weekend flew by WAY to fast but a good time was definitely had by all. We stayed in a very nice hotel, The Hawthorne, in downtown Calgary. Friday night consisted of us mainly hanging around our hotel room and having some sociables before heading out to a couple of pubs. The two pubs we hit had a nice atmosphere to them. They reminded me of O'Hanlon's here in town, only bigger. At the end of the night we reconvened back to our hotel room and carried on with some more sociables. Despite some unnecessary and overblown drama that will go unmentioned here, it was a nice start to the weekend. Saturday however was one of the funnest days I've had in recent memory. After we all finally rolled out of bed, we all met at the hotel restaurant/pub for some lunch. Afterwards, we all went back to our hotel rooms to rest and get ready for the night's events. April and I were watching Muchmusic for a bit and this new reality show was on where the two surviving members of TLC were trying to find a new member. This one contestant was telling TBoz and Chili that she was a really confident woman and needed a guy with lots of "skrumpf," whatever the hell "skrumpf" means. As she said "skrumpf" she gestured with her hands like she was cupping some guy's balls so maybe that has something to do with it. So "skrumpf" became a running joke for the remainder of the weekend. A couple hours later we all met again at the hotel pub. Jenn bought some new sparkly clothes so her and April were wearing these insanely sparkling tops at the hotel pub. Sparkles were getting all over the place. April gave Jenn a brrrrrumski (*For those who don't know, a brrrumski is when you stick your head in between a woman's boobs, shake your head back and forth and yell "BRRRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMMSKIIII!!!!"). So after this happened, April had lots of sparkles on her face. Tina then joked that if April and I were to have sex my penis would have lots of sparkles. So I replied that I'd have a "glam rock cock" afterwards. Soon afterwards we all met up in our hotel room and played a round of Sociables... a drinking game that got me very drunk, due the fact that everyone, especially Tina, was making sure I got the brunt of the alcohol consumption. Tina had the "Fuck you"card and I was the last person to say "Fuck you" after everyone else did. So as I proceeded to drink my drink, Tina said "Fuck you" again. Since my mouth was full, I was of course the last person to say "fuck you" so I had to have another drink. This continued a few more times. Then April had a rule card where every time she had to drink, I had to drink twice. Needless to say I was feeling very buzzed very quickly. After we were done our game we all headed to The French Maid, a strip club a few blocks away from the hotel. On the walk over to this strip club we all started slapping each other's asses. We were taking running starts at each each other and slapping every ass in sight. It was hilarious. I can only imagine what other people thought as they saw us. Apparently Jenn saw some guy get out of his car and she slapped his ass. I don't think anyone would expect to get their ass slapped by a complete stranger! Once we got to the French Maid, my friend Tash met up with us . I hadn't seen her since she got married this past summer so I wanted to catch up with her. And what better place to catch up with an old friend than at a strip club! It was pretty surreal and I think Tash's eyes were pretty wide open the whole time. She walks into the strip perfectly sober and sees me and my group in the front row of the stage. I genuinely wanted to catch up with her, but it was pretty hard to hold a normal conversation with her when she was sober while I was half-cut thanks to the drinking game, and while there were totally naked women onstage doing acrobatic moves on the pole onstage. Definitely not the place for a coffee conversation! And then we introduced Tash to the infamous brrumski. Tash had no idea what a brrumski was, so April told her to put her boobs together and proceeded to give Tash a brrumski. Poor Tash. I think she had a good time, but I know she definitely wasn't expecting meeting me at a strip club. We all had a great time at the French Maid. Me, Tash, April, Jenn, Jeanine, Tina, Mark and Gianni started doing the wave on a few occasions. I think the strippers definitely appreciated our skrumpf. After Tash took off, we headed off to a dance club called The Whisky. It's at this point of the night where things kind of get sketchy for me. The drinking game definitely was taking it's toll on me and I ended up going back to the hotel with April and crashing by 11:30. I remember April wanting to go to the Subway across the street from the hotel so we started walking. Then I remember realizing that I REALLY had to "water the pavement" so I proceeded to urinate in the corner of the hotel parking lot. It was probably one of the longest whizzes I've taken in my life. I guess the pedestrian walk-light went on and off three times while I was doing my business. April was extremely hungry and was getting impatient so when I was finally done she grabbed my hand and we jetted across the street while the walk light was still on... all while I was still trying to zip my pants back up! After we all checked out Sunday morning we went to a Denny's just off of 16th Street on our way out of town and had a HUGE breakfast. Our waitress could hardly speak English. She seemed like a character from a Seinfeld episode or something. Alveiro, a freind of ours who has been travelling all over for various acting/music gigs was doing a show in Calgary so he met up with us Sunday for breakfast. After saying our goodbyes to Tina and Alveiro we headed back to Regina. It was definitely a fun weekend overall. It was two of the craziest back-to-back weekends I've had with Sarah and Dave coming in from Winnipeg the weekend before and now the Calgary extravaganza. After two crazy weekends like that, it is now time for my body to get back to normal functioning again. It's nice to get out of the city for a bit, but now it's back to reality for a little while. Sigh.

This is me passed out on a couch at home after 3 fun but very long days with the cousins. Dave and I really know how to tear the town apart but it definitely takes its toll after awhile. I'm not sure who took this pic... I doubt the person who took this pic knows who took it either. I definitely had a blast with Sarah and Dave this past weekend. I really wish we could all be in the same city, but at least when we do get together we make the most of it. Dave and I have always been extremely close ever since we were kids and even though we've been 6 hours apart for the last 15 years or so I still consider him one of my best friends on the planet. Our family's been through a lot over the years but at the end of the day I know Sarah, Dave and I always have each other. 

There's not much head on that beer, but... 

Here's a goofy pic of my Mom and Dad. I think my Dad is picking his nose or something. Or maybe he's digging for gold. No one knows for sure. 

Yet another pic of April and I being our retarded selves. 

I like htis pic of Reorge and I. I don't get to see George that often, but he is a really funny guy and one of the nicest people you will ever meet. 

Here's George, April and I. 

Here's a another nice pic of Sarah and Dave... horsing around. 

Here's a really nice pic of Sarah and Dave... no horsing around. 

Here's a nice pic of April and Stacey. Saturday was lots of fun at McNally's. Most of my family was there, Wonderland were playing, plus Tanya, Mr. Real, Jay from B!LF, Lisa and Ryan were all on hand.  

Here's a goofy pic of my dad grabbing April's boob. Yes...class DEFINITELY runs in the family! 

I really like this pic of April and my mom. My parents have really made April feel like part of the family. My mom and April both love Elvis, so they both definitely have some issues ;). 

Here's my mom between Sarah and George at McNally's. 

Tino and Dave... two stylin' and profilin' dudes. 

This is a nice pic of me with my cosuins Tino, Dave, Sarah, and George. Damn, are we a good looking family or what?! 

Here's a nice pic of April with my brother from a different mother. 

"The gun" never gets old. 

Here's a sweet pic of April and Zubazz. 

Here's Dave, Zubazz and I striking a pose. Blue steel! 

Classineness definitely runs in the family! Here's me and Dave at The Plains showing some love. 

This past weekend, my cousins Sarah and Dave came down from Winnipeg for a wild and crazy weekend. I'm an only child, so I consider Sarah and Dave the sister and brother I never had. We only get to see each other once or twice a year nowadays so when we get together it is a total gong show. This time around was no exception. It might be a good thing that Dave and I aren't in the same city because we would probably be both in line for liver transplants in the next year or two otherwise. Anyways, here are some pics from those three adventurous days. This is a pic of me and April at The Plains Thurs night for Superjuice's CD release party.