I certainly don't condone violence and death, but the death of Anna Nicole Smith got me wondering what other celebrities are about due for a premature death, at least a death from the spotlight anyways. I'm just talking about celebrities who have made the world we live in a shittier place because of their existence. I'm not saying the following celebrities should necessarily die per se, but if I did have a choice in the matter I would allow the likes of Quentin Tarantino, Kevin Smith or Frank Black to continue living as opposed to the following ten people. Without further ado, here is my Top Ten List of Celebrities Who Should Be Shot...
1. Paris Hilton. I believe she is the first person on the planet who is famous simply for being famous. And now we have to endure her horrible singing, horrible acting (and that's just her sex tape), and more unneeded reality television.
2. Scott Stapp. Creed have thankfully broken up, but Scott Stapp's pretentious crucified Jesus poses still linger.
3. Chad Kroeger. To this day, I am still baffled how a band as bland and cliched as Nickleback can sell millions upon millions of albums. A 5 year old can write better lyrics than this guy. And now we've had to suffer from all the Nickelback sound-alike bands like Theory of a Dead Man, Default and Hinder.
4. Celine Dion. She doesn't sell as many records anymore and she keeps her act in Las Vegas now, but her whole shtick of having 79 siblings and marrying her husband/father and having a kid from a turkey baster was and is a bit much. Insert broken French accent here.
5. Britney Spears. She is finally getting what she deserves. It's pretty sad when K-Fed was the most talented person in their marriage. I can't believe that she covered "I Love Rock n Roll" because she "loves Pat Benatar" and that she had no clue who Yoko Ono was. But I guess The Beatles were just some obscure garage band from the UK. If you are a singer, you should at least know some basics about the industry you are in.
6. Tom Cruise. At one point Tom Cruise was a decent actor who was in some decent movies. Then he became brainwashed by Scientology and loses his shit on Oprah's couch. I'm not a huge proponent of organized religion, but it's pretty sad when this relgion/cult is based on a science fiction novel.
7. Jennifer Lopez. This is a case where she should just stick to acting. That way, I only have to see her in action if I go out and rent a movie. I'm a huge Kevin Smith fan and I avoided watching Jersey Girl for the longest time because she was in it. Thankfully, she dies about ten minutes in.
8. Bill O'Reilly. Any right wing media commentator should be shot. Anyone who voted for Geoerge W. Bush should be shot. It was absolutely hilarious how Stephen Colbert totally owned O'Reilly both on The Colbert Report and The O'Reilly Factor.
9. George W. Bush. The world would be a much better place if this man was not "voted" to be the American president. There would be no senseless war in Iraq and Stephen Harper would have a different ass to pucker up to.
10. Michael Bolton. He is pretty much out of the public eye, but much of my childhood was scarred by the tormented sounds of "Love is a Wonderful Thing," "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay," and "Soul Provider." He even had a song with Kenny G. That in itself should warant instant death. I remember this skit on In Living Colour where Michael Bolton's head exploded from screaming/singing too intensely. If only life could imitate art.
