Today has been one of the hardest days of my life. I made one of the toughest deciscions I've ever had to make. This morning I decided to break up with April. Right now I am supposed to be on holidays with her and her family in Waskesiu, but I decided to end our relationship of over two years. Out of love and respect to April, I will not go into any details, but it's no secret to any of our friends that we have had our ups and downs the last few months. I have been really unhappy lately and I finally had to do something about it. I still love April to death and think she is a wonderful and amazing person, but we just have not been clicking for the last few months. Sometimes no matter how much you love someone it just doesn't work. I want all my friends to know that I don't hate April or have any ill will towards her at all. And I want all my friends to still treat her with the same respect as before.
So now I have a week's paid holidays to sit at home and reflect on things and decide what I will do next. The standard thing for most guys to do when getting out of a relationship is to get rip-roaring drunk and hop back on that proverbial horse but I want to try and avoid that if possible. I plan on going for runs and walks around Wascana Park, doing some writing and practicing guitar. Maybe by the end of this week I may know a whopping 8 chords or something.
I've talked to a few of my friends so far and they have all been really great. My parents took me out for sushi for supper and some ice cream afterwards and made me feel as good as I possibly can in this situation. They have really noticed how unhappy I have been in recent months and were starting to get really worried. But today we had a few really great conversations and they made me feel truly loved and have been really supportive. I honestly don't know what I would have done without them. The next little while will be different to say the least but I know I am extremely lucky to have the greatest friends in the world as a support system. Mark, Chris, Zubazz, Kent, Tina, Jai Mo, Stacy, Kevy, Dan, Loco, Kash, Billy, the whole Pump crew etc etc etc are the best friends a guy could ever ask for.
So now I have to begin a new stage in my life and start from scratch. I have no idea what the future will hold for me or where I'll wind up but I'm gonna try to clear my head, decompress and hopefully become a better person out of the whole situation.
All I know is that I feel so conflicted right now. Part of is so incredibly sad and I just want to ball my eyes out, (which I've done a few times) and another part of me is relieved. This was a hard decision but I think it is something I had to do and I think it is for the best in the long term. All I know is that I have been unhappy and I have to get myself back to a happy place again.
